Christmas 2023 technically falls beyond the “year of firsts”; yet, even so, this second Christmas without you feels significant because it has made me realize how little I seem to remember of the first one! There have been countless instances during this month between Thanksgiving and Christmas where I have caught myself thinking or saying: “wow, I honestly don’t remember doing _____, last year”. Picking out and decorating the Christmas tree and house, buying presents, wrapping gifts, attending Christmas Eve church service, prepping for and cooking the Christmas Day meal last year are all seemingly blank in my memory. I know we did all those things, but I think we were all in a state of shock from the vacuum of your absence.
This year feels different. Although we are not all here together as we were for Thanksgiving in Telluride, I feel fully present here in this time and place with Sydney, Jenna, Grammy, and the animals. In some ways, this second Christmas without you feels like a first; simply because we exist in the aftershock of that traumatic time where pain and memory are blurred.
I am thankful for the healing hands of time, and for the experiential realization that “it” gets a little easier with the passage. That is a gift we can all use and appreciate!
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