I’ve been thinking lately about what to do with the gold wedding band on my finger since you are gone. Those rings, placed nervously on each other’s fingers during our wedding ceremony, now over 33 years ago, were symbolic of our commitment to and eternal love for each other.
We wore those golden circles, with no beginning or end, through all the years. There were brief periods during the pregnancies that you removed yours out of practical necessity. And then when you got sick and lost weight, you took the rings off for fear of them falling off and being lost. Near the end, the wedding band was lost - at least temporarily. And then you were gone. I still have hope that the ring will turn up so I can give it to one of the girls as you wanted.
So now I am wondering what I should do with my wedding ring. I was filling out some forms recently and it asked me to check my marital status: Married/Single/Divorced/Widowed. At that moment the reality struck me that I am no longer married; I am now a widower. Suddenly, the ring on my finger looked and felt different. The half that made the circle of our love complete is gone. Can I be married to just a memory of you?
So, with great effort (figuratively and literally), I removed it from my finger. Part of me feels guilty for taking it off. But it’s not that I’m trying to advertise my availability to the world; it’s more the reality that it was no longer legitimate. You will always be in my heart and memory, and I do not need a ring to remind me of that.
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